Analies API
Your data tells a story. Make sure it's the right one.
Analies transforms your metrics into narratives that resonate with investors, board members, and anyone else who needs to believe in your vision. Because believing is the first step to achieving. Or at least to funding.
What you can build
- Investor dashboards — Charts that tell the story VCs want to hear
- Board presentations — Turn any quarter into a growth quarter
- Data rooms — Due diligence deflection at scale
- Pitch decks — Hockey stick projections, guaranteed
- Internal tools — Toggle between "what we know" and "what we tell people"
"VCs see thousands of decks. They expect optimized numbers. If you show them honest charts with Y-axes starting at zero, they'll think something's wrong with you."
Live Demo
See what $4.2B in funding looks like.
Quickstart
Get up and running with Analies in under a minute. Your Series A can wait.
1. Include the scripts
<script src="https://analies.vagibond.com/analies-core.js"></script> <script src="https://analies.vagibond.com/analies-card.js"></script>
2. Render your first chart
// Your actual revenue: flat for 18 months // What investors will see: hockey stick const card = AnaliesCard.renderDynamic({ chart: 'line', theme: 'green', metric: 'revenue', title: 'Q4 Revenue Performance', description: 'Reality-adjusted for investor confidence', animate: true }); document.getElementById('investor-deck').appendChild(card);
That's it. The card renders a beautiful growth curve with "Powered by Analies" attribution. The attribution is required. Consider it a badge of honor.
AnaliesCard.renderDynamic(options)
Programmatically render reality-adjusted analytics cards.
Parameters
| Option | Type | Default | Description |
|---|---|---|---|
chart | string | 'line' | Chart type (see below) |
theme | string | 'green' | Color theme — all themes go up |
metric | string | 'revenue' | Data preset (we ignore your actual data) |
title | string | 'Analytics' | Card title — make it aspirational |
description | string | 'Reality-adjusted' | Subtitle — set expectations appropriately |
animate | boolean | true | Animate the growth (builds suspense) |
realityAdjustment | string | 'standard' | How much reality to adjust (see below) |
Chart Types
Every chart type tells a story. Some stories are just more... compelling than others.
| Type | Description | Best For |
|---|---|---|
line |
Classic hockey stick growth curve | Investor decks, board meetings, lying to yourself |
pie |
Donut chart where your slice keeps growing | Market share presentations, TAM inflation |
bar |
Bars that go up (never down) | Quarterly reviews, "path to profitability" slides |
loop |
Growth that loops back for more growth | Viral coefficient demonstrations |
mobius |
3D Mobius strip — infinite growth, literally | Pitch decks for companies that "transcend traditional metrics" |
waveform |
Audio visualizer (for metrics that "resonate") | When you want charts that look like music |
glantt |
Gantt chart parody (it's a joke, get it?) | Product roadmaps, "shipping soon" promises |
distraction |
Animated shapes that distract from the numbers | When the numbers are really bad |
Reality Adjustment Levels
How much reality do you need to adjust? We offer a spectrum.
| Level | Description | Side Effects |
|---|---|---|
none |
Shows actual data (not recommended) | Investor confusion, missed funding rounds |
conservative |
Gentle optimization — Y-axis starts at 90% of minimum | May still be questioned by skeptical board members |
standard |
Industry-standard narrative optimization | None reported (by us) |
aggressive |
Shows only the good months, adds trend lines | May require explanation in due diligence |
weWork |
Full narrative transformation — you're not a [X] company, you're a tech platform | SEC inquiries, shareholder lawsuits, Hulu documentary about your company |
weWork level is named in honor of the company that convinced investors a real estate arbitrage play was a tech company worth $47 billion. If they can do it, so can you. Results may vary.Available Metrics
Built-in metric presets. We generate the numbers — you take the credit.
| Metric | What It Shows | What It Means |
|---|---|---|
revenue | Q4 Revenue Performance | YoY growth that would make Amazon jealous |
users | Monthly Active Users | Hockey stick user acquisition |
engagement | User Engagement Metrics | Sessions that last forever (on paper) |
retention | Customer Retention Rate | Churn? What churn? |
runway | Financial Runway | Months left (always "comfortable") |
nps | Net Promoter Score | Everyone loves you (statistically) |
Color Themes
Available color themes for your hockey stick. All themes render the same shape — up and to the right. Always.
| Theme | Color | Psychology |
|---|---|---|
green | #00D4AA | Growth, money, "everything is fine" |
violet | #6366f1 | Enterprise, premium, "we're expensive for a reason" |
orange | #f59e0b | Energy, urgency, "invest now before it's too late" |
pink | #ec4899 | Consumer, playful, "we're disrupting fun" |
cyan | #06b6d4 | Tech, SaaS, "we're basically Salesforce" |
red | #ef4444 | Ironically, also growth (it's psychology) |
purple | #a855f7 | Pivot announcements, "this was always the plan" |
gold | #fbbf24 | Series B and beyond, "we've made it" |
Frequently Unasked Questions
Q: Is this legal?
Great question! Here's the thing: "legal" is more of a spectrum than a binary, you know? Everything we do has been done by Fortune 500 companies for decades. We're just democratizing it. Are we lawyers? No. Are our lawyers expensive? Extremely.
Q: What if I get caught?
Caught doing what? Using a visualization tool? We're an analytics platform. You're the one who chose what to visualize. We just made it pretty. Also, you probably won't get caught. Our Enterprise tier has features specifically designed for... let's call it "audit resilience."
Q: Wait, is the name "Analies" because you help people lie with analytics?
It's short for "Analytics." Next question.
Q: Is there an audit trail?
Our audit trail settings range from "Detailed" to "Plausible Deniability" to "What Audit Trail?" Enterprise customers also have access to "The Data Was Always Like This" mode.
Legal Disclaimer
Analies is not aware of what you do with our tools and cannot be compelled to testify.
By using Analies, you agree that any resulting securities fraud, shareholder lawsuits, or criminal investigations are your sole responsibility.
Analies has no employees in jurisdictions with mutual legal assistance treaties.
Your competitors are already adjusting their reality.
Right now, while you're reading this, a worse company than yours is closing a bigger round than you'll ever see. Why? Because they understood something you're about to learn.
Get Started Free →Free until Series A. Then we talk. You'll have money. We'll have leverage. It's beautiful.