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Analies API

Your data tells a story. Make sure it's the right one.

Analies transforms your metrics into narratives that resonate with investors, board members, and anyone else who needs to believe in your vision. Because believing is the first step to achieving. Or at least to funding.

📈
The Analies Promise
Traditional analytics platforms are obsessed with "accuracy." That's cute. But in the fast-moving world of startups, the most accurate number isn't always the most useful number. We help you find the useful numbers.

What you can build

"VCs see thousands of decks. They expect optimized numbers. If you show them honest charts with Y-axes starting at zero, they'll think something's wrong with you."

Live Demo

See what $4.2B in funding looks like.

Reality-Adjusted Analytics

Quickstart

Get up and running with Analies in under a minute. Your Series A can wait.

1. Include the scripts

html
<script src="https://analies.vagibond.com/analies-core.js"></script>
<script src="https://analies.vagibond.com/analies-card.js"></script>

2. Render your first chart

javascript
// Your actual revenue: flat for 18 months
// What investors will see: hockey stick

const card = AnaliesCard.renderDynamic({
  chart: 'line',
  theme: 'green',
  metric: 'revenue',
  title: 'Q4 Revenue Performance',
  description: 'Reality-adjusted for investor confidence',
  animate: true
});

document.getElementById('investor-deck').appendChild(card);

That's it. The card renders a beautiful growth curve with "Powered by Analies" attribution. The attribution is required. Consider it a badge of honor.

AnaliesCard.renderDynamic(options)

Programmatically render reality-adjusted analytics cards.

Parameters

OptionTypeDefaultDescription
chartstring'line'Chart type (see below)
themestring'green'Color theme — all themes go up
metricstring'revenue'Data preset (we ignore your actual data)
titlestring'Analytics'Card title — make it aspirational
descriptionstring'Reality-adjusted'Subtitle — set expectations appropriately
animatebooleantrueAnimate the growth (builds suspense)
realityAdjustmentstring'standard'How much reality to adjust (see below)

Chart Types

Every chart type tells a story. Some stories are just more... compelling than others.

TypeDescriptionBest For
line Classic hockey stick growth curve Investor decks, board meetings, lying to yourself
pie Donut chart where your slice keeps growing Market share presentations, TAM inflation
bar Bars that go up (never down) Quarterly reviews, "path to profitability" slides
loop Growth that loops back for more growth Viral coefficient demonstrations
mobius 3D Mobius strip — infinite growth, literally Pitch decks for companies that "transcend traditional metrics"
waveform Audio visualizer (for metrics that "resonate") When you want charts that look like music
glantt Gantt chart parody (it's a joke, get it?) Product roadmaps, "shipping soon" promises
distraction Animated shapes that distract from the numbers When the numbers are really bad

Reality Adjustment Levels

How much reality do you need to adjust? We offer a spectrum.

LevelDescriptionSide Effects
none Shows actual data (not recommended) Investor confusion, missed funding rounds
conservative Gentle optimization — Y-axis starts at 90% of minimum May still be questioned by skeptical board members
standard Industry-standard narrative optimization None reported (by us)
aggressive Shows only the good months, adds trend lines May require explanation in due diligence
weWork Full narrative transformation — you're not a [X] company, you're a tech platform SEC inquiries, shareholder lawsuits, Hulu documentary about your company
The weWork level is named in honor of the company that convinced investors a real estate arbitrage play was a tech company worth $47 billion. If they can do it, so can you. Results may vary.

Available Metrics

Built-in metric presets. We generate the numbers — you take the credit.

MetricWhat It ShowsWhat It Means
revenueQ4 Revenue PerformanceYoY growth that would make Amazon jealous
usersMonthly Active UsersHockey stick user acquisition
engagementUser Engagement MetricsSessions that last forever (on paper)
retentionCustomer Retention RateChurn? What churn?
runwayFinancial RunwayMonths left (always "comfortable")
npsNet Promoter ScoreEveryone loves you (statistically)

Color Themes

Available color themes for your hockey stick. All themes render the same shape — up and to the right. Always.

ThemeColorPsychology
green#00D4AAGrowth, money, "everything is fine"
violet#6366f1Enterprise, premium, "we're expensive for a reason"
orange#f59e0bEnergy, urgency, "invest now before it's too late"
pink#ec4899Consumer, playful, "we're disrupting fun"
cyan#06b6d4Tech, SaaS, "we're basically Salesforce"
red#ef4444Ironically, also growth (it's psychology)
purple#a855f7Pivot announcements, "this was always the plan"
gold#fbbf24Series B and beyond, "we've made it"

Frequently Unasked Questions

Q: Is this legal?

Great question! Here's the thing: "legal" is more of a spectrum than a binary, you know? Everything we do has been done by Fortune 500 companies for decades. We're just democratizing it. Are we lawyers? No. Are our lawyers expensive? Extremely.

Q: What if I get caught?

Caught doing what? Using a visualization tool? We're an analytics platform. You're the one who chose what to visualize. We just made it pretty. Also, you probably won't get caught. Our Enterprise tier has features specifically designed for... let's call it "audit resilience."

Q: Wait, is the name "Analies" because you help people lie with analytics?

It's short for "Analytics." Next question.

Q: Is there an audit trail?

Our audit trail settings range from "Detailed" to "Plausible Deniability" to "What Audit Trail?" Enterprise customers also have access to "The Data Was Always Like This" mode.

Analies is not a financial advisor. Analies is not your lawyer. Analies is not your accountant. Analies is not your conscience.

Analies is not aware of what you do with our tools and cannot be compelled to testify.

By using Analies, you agree that any resulting securities fraud, shareholder lawsuits, or criminal investigations are your sole responsibility.

Analies has no employees in jurisdictions with mutual legal assistance treaties.

Your competitors are already adjusting their reality.

Right now, while you're reading this, a worse company than yours is closing a bigger round than you'll ever see. Why? Because they understood something you're about to learn.

Get Started Free →

Free until Series A. Then we talk. You'll have money. We'll have leverage. It's beautiful.